The Bakersfield Voice

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Dear Dad,
I am a single, middle-aged female with a boyfriend in another state. We have been keeping in touch via e-mail and phone calls for several years now. We have a good relationship going, but lately it seems that he has stopped paying attention to me. There are times when I don’t hear from him for weeks at a time. He does have a lot of responsibility that keeps him busy, but the lack of communication makes me feel unloved, undesirable and unimportant. What can I say or do to get him to communicate with me more?

—Upset Girlfriend

Dear Upset Girlfriend,
A long-distance relationship is hard to maintain. It takes a solid foundation (time spent together) for it to survive both distance and time, otherwise you end up with a pen pal. I gather both of you are locked into your jobs or locations, and being near each other is not possible at this time.

Your boyfriend’s lack of communication could be because he is busy, or because he is losing interest in this long-distance relationship. You need to talk to him and ask him how he feels about you. Tell him how you feel and what you need from him so you can feel loved and secure in this relationship. Guys are not eager to discuss their feelings so this could be hard. If you want this relationship to grow, one of you needs to move closer or use up a ton of frequent flyer miles. Otherwise, you are both wasting your time.

You deserve to be happy and enjoy a lasting relationship. I am just not sure the guy and the situation is a good combination. Matters of the heart are always difficult. I wish you the best and hope you find love and happiness.

Take care,
Dad

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