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School Zone: A word from Dr. Zarra
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Posted by admin Wed Sep 10, 2008 16:55:51 PDT
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 There are many current cultural descriptors of our teenagers today. Remember our teen years? Ah, yes. Those were the glory days when dads told their 16-year-old sons to hurry up and get jobs while they still knew everything about everything.  It has been said that the best substitute for experience is being 16.

I always love catching myself saying the very things my parents said to me. For example, my parents would ask: “How many times have I told you not to do that?” When I offered an answer, I was told, “Don’t back-talk me.” Couldn’t win, and neither could my kids.

Here’s a favorite of mine: “Why don’t you grow up?” Being 16 means he is growing up. Correct? If he could be 21 tomorrow, don’t you think he would choose that?

One of the virtues of being young is “assumed innocence” and asking questions that are sometimes considered a bit off-the-wall. Teenagers should not be afraid to ask what they perceive as dumb questions. Truly, such questions are a lot easier to handle than dumb mistakes.

It is no secret that I work with the next generation of young adults. In fact, here is the scary part: the seniors I have this year were all born in the 1990s. Just let that sink in. The virtues of the ’90s are a bit different than those of the ’80s.

One of the generic virtues of youth is their dedication to each other as friends. Regardless of the generation, connections made by youth are so very deep sometimes — and these connections can be either very good or very bad. Brain research shows these connections are made impulsively and on factors other than things such as commitment, persistence, or care-giving. Teenagers sometimes confuse love with lust, attraction with crush, and sex with everything else. Their virtues are still forming.

Young people are not unlike lots of adults in this next area. However, with teenagers, the ability to be first with information fuels popularity. As a result, gossip is standard fare. There is virtue in the expressions of our hearts, but teens who never get a handle on gossip give birth to all sorts of “siblings” as adults, such as hypocrisy, inconsistency, and the like. What we all practice, we can expect to perfect over time.

What would parents give to have the energy of a 16-year-old, but the wisdom, reputation, connections and finances of our current age, and the youth and vibrancy of passion and emotion that goes along with the excitement of not knowing the first cultural kiss of the future? Well, it is virtuous to look “at life from both sides now ... It’s life’s illusions, I recall. I really don’t know life at all.” (Lyrics from Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now.”)

Could it be that aging is a virtue also, in and of itself? If so, there is a reason for mirrors after all.

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