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A Day in the Life: My New Year's resolutions
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Posted by tomasi Tue Nov 30, 1999 00:00:00 PST
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1 response 0 comments Guess what, folks –– it’s that time of year again. It’s time for the New Year’s resolutions, and what an odd custom it is.

As I pondered what I would vow to do or not do, I decided to go to the Internet and find out some history. You know, for some reason I’d always thought that the resolutions had something to do with the Pilgrims. Once again I was wrong, for it seems that New Year’s Resolutions go all the way back to ancient Babylon. This custom also occurred at the start of a new year, but the most common resolution had nothing at all to do with dieting, budgeting or self deprivation. Nope, the most common Babylonian New Year’s resolution was to return borrowed farm equipment.

I don’t know how good Babylonians were about returning that equipment, but today around 30 percent of those who make resolutions don’t even make it to February. Sadly, only 20 percent of those who make resolutions will last six months.


So here’s the question: If you know it’s going to fail, why not set a realistic goal that has some substance? And please, make it original. I have thought long and hard about this, and here is my list of resolutions. (Keep in mind that these are promises made only to myself. If I fail, the only person who’s disappointed will be me.)

 
1. I will stop mentioning the fact that I was thin when I was younger. ALL of us were thin once. This is the body I have now, and it’s here to stay.

2. I will sell my skis. I haven’t been on them in over 15 years. Besides, who can afford the price of lift tickets?

3. I will stop grimacing every time I hear the word “in-laws.”

4. I will make a concerted effort to control my road rage, or at least modify my Road Rage Vocabulary. (I thought of adding "please" and "thank you," but I don’t think it would be enough.)

5. I will not renew my gym membership. Mall walking is much, much cheaper. Besides, there’s little fear of comparison in the mall. And let’s not forget the added bonus of the food court.

6. I will take my wife to the movies, and, although it’s tempting, I will try so hard not to fall asleep. (She’s unimpressed when I ask if it isn’t just cheaper to sleep at home.)

7. I will stop calling a certain sibling of mine "Gordita." For years I’ve told her it means pretty woman, but lately she’s stopped smiling. By golly, I think she’s learned some Spanish!

8. I will give strong consideration to cleaning out the garage. I only say this because of group pressure. I honestly enjoy the adventure of trying to find something.

9. I will make an effort to be more creative in the way I dress, in spite of the fact that I feel just about anything goes well with blue sweat pants.

10. I will carefully label Christmas boxes so that next year I can find those stupid bubble lights and save my marriage.

My fingers are crossed! Happy New Year!

E-mail Joe at jtomasi@bak.rr.com.

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