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Northwest Living: To be or not to be friends
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Posted by admin Wed Oct 11, 2006 17:04:12 PDT
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0 responses 0 comments I don’t remember all the details of the gossip that sparked the end of my 10-year friendship with a woman I thought I’d always be friends with, but I do remember the pain. So last night, when I picked up the phone to let her know that our mutual, “neutral” friend had lost a relative to cancer, I was hesitant.

At first, I even blocked my phone number. But with the advent of caller ID and subscribers who don’t accept blocked calls, I relented and dialed. Her familiar and cheery, “Hi Rach,” was still intact and so were my memories... the good ones.
I heard her toddler in the background and still couldn’t believe I had missed her wedding and divorce.

Relaying the information about the funeral to her was so natural, I thought we were both going to cry over his demise and our own.

When she lost me and another friend three years ago, I assumed she would naturally apologize and admit that our undoing was her fault. The three of us even had a “talk” about the malicious gossip, but wounds were still too fresh to begin healing. I also foolishly believed that she valued me the way I valued her.  As time went on, I was proved wrong.

I perceived she had a careless indifference to the whole matter which helped me and my fellow “wronged” best friend excommunicate her from our lives.

We would see one another at events held by the one friend who had remained neutral during the whole fiasco, but our relationship had been reduced to pleasantries and nervous tension.

When she finally blurted out, “I’ve been a bad friend,” to no one in particular at a baby shower two years into the shared silence, I pretended I didn’t hear her.

Now, here I was with her on the phone acting like we hadn’t been apart for over a thousand days. Too much time had passed to start playing catch-up on top of my initial reason for calling, which was a death.

However, I knew that I couldn’t hang up without letting her know that I really did miss the friendship that we all used to share as a group, but especially the one on one she and I had shared for so long. She agreed, but I could tell we both felt a bit uneasy.

Quickly changing the subject, we gave each other new phone numbers and other pertinent information under the guise of keeping each other apprised of new information on our mutual/neutral friend.

When I hung up, my husband asked me who was on the phone. His response was so “male” in nature, for a minute I wished I could have friendships like men. While I was emotionally reflecting on the conversation, he was matter of fact saying, “That’s great! Now we don’t have to duck when we see her driving down the street or change aisles at the store!”

What a load off for him!

E-mail Rachel at: rlegan@liveradio.com

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